A mistake 90% of parents make and what we can all learn from it

Last week, our oldest daughter started kindergarten.

She’s been through a few transitions recently, from becoming a big sister to starting ‘big girl’ school.

This is an attempt to reflect on the past few weeks of parenthood.

I’ve had to come to terms with my little girl no longer being so little.

She’s more independent, and increasingly curious and intelligent each day.

There’s a saying I like: “The days are long, but the years are fast. Don’t blink”

It couldn’t be truer. I can hardly believe it’s been 5 years since we brought that frail tiny baby home.

As we send her off to school, I’m also adjusting to life with a new baby.

I’d forgotten how much patience it takes to get a baby off to a good start.

I haven’t slept more than 3 hours at a time in the last 2 months (although it’s getting better).

[I’m grateful for paternity leave, which has given me time to adjust.]

After one sleepless night, I found myself reminiscing about how ‘easy’ our first baby was compared to this one.

But was she really an ‘easy’ baby?

Three days after birth, our first lost over half a pound (a lot for a baby weighing about 6.5 lbs).

She struggled to latch properly and wasn’t getting enough milk.

Since she wasn’t eating, she wasn’t pooping either, and couldn’t excrete the build up bilirubin…which led to concerns about jaundice.

We felt helpless, and lost a bit confidence in our ability being parents (it was probably harder on my wife)

With some guidance from nurses, doctors, and other parents, we found a way forward, and within a few days, she was thriving.

This was just the beginning of a challenging yet fulfilling journey.

A few lessons:

It’s easy to romanticize the past and forget how we felt at the time.

This is both a good and bad thing.

The bad:

Past challenges might seem small in retrospect, but they weren’t at the time.

This can make it hard for you to empathize with those going through similar challenges today.

It can make you impatient and ungrateful as you yearn for that ‘good’ past and lament the present.

The good:

Discarding the negative while holding onto the positive keeps you moving forward.

It serves as a reminder that you overcame challenges before and can do it again.

It makes you more resilient and hopeful.